To dream, permission granted


The verb “to cope” means to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.

There has been a time in my life when, facing dificulties, I felt only a mixture of helplessness, sadness and pity for myself. The idea of me having any sort of struggles and not finding right away the solution was the proof that something was wrong with me. I was also convinced that other people were always better than me in finding solutions when dealing with problems.

Eating was my coping mechanism. Eating in excess, feeling very bad about it, eating more again, hiding when eating, feeling guilty for eating too much and not being able to have control on what and when I ate, then not eating at all and starting all over again.

I used food like other people use drugs.

Each day felt like a battle with food and in 98% of days, I was not a winner. I felt weak and surely unlovable because of this weakness. Living like this day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year, feeling each day like a failure, I slowly gave up the idea of wanting or making plans to achieve something significant for myself, as deep down inside I was literally intoxicated with the taste of failure. “If I don’t try anything, than I cannot fail anymore, don’t I?”

So, it felt easier to let the others decide for me: society, traditions, parents, teachers, employers etc., going on beaten tracks. I was like a walking dead in my own life.

Therefore, right now, I am officially giving myself permission to dream, make plans, have initiative, experience life, say YES or NO. I know I have the Universe by my side and people around that can give me a helping hand. I am not alone anymore.

Therefore, I open up to all the good that this life can offer me. I do.

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