In my 20’s, when applying for a job, I tried to impress as much as I could with my resume, as form and content. In order to make sure I make an excellent impression, I added an extra 10-15% to my real skills. Which meant pretending to be a better French speaker than I actually was or have abilities that were not really my strong points or exaggerating a little bit the responsibilities at former working places.
Back then, I thought I was doing so in order to grab the employer’s attention and get that job, but now I know I was not considering myself good enough in order not to alter the resume, even slightly. But this way I was not feeling so good inside after applying for a job or having an interview, as I was playing a role rather than being myself.
At a certain moment, many years later, I decided that I was good enough just the way I was. So, when applying for a collaboration, I consciously decided to not exaggerate any of my abilities and to put more authenticity when speaking. Although I thought I would get a YES, I received a NO. Small Cristina felt it like a rejection and was hurt. The mature Cristina stayed with the discomfort and breathed, paying attention to the feelings inside, a mixture of disappointment and victory for not pretending anymore to be someone else. But it is not easy to stay with the feelings.
Masks are heavy to carry and it feels lighter without them.